#028 Subversive Cross Stitch

We used to make random crap for mum on mothers day, they were always shit but she loved that we were being 'crafty'

This year I reckon some Subversive Cross Stitch might be the go...

#027 Tears for Fears

Last night everyone got all drunkenly emoooo, woke up this morning with a hungry jacks onion ring mooshed into my pillow, brain was fried and apparently something totally died in my mouth overnight.

Florence makes me feel like everything's going to be ok.

#026 Voltron Star Shooter

I still have a briefcase of transformers circa '85 at my olds that I STILL play with like a giggly five year old whenever I'm home. I actually hide them from my niece and nephew I'm that much of a psycho about them.

On time I walked in on them both, transformers scattered from corner to corner and screamed 'THESE ARE NOT TOYS' while frantically scooping them up like a maniac.

That kinda psycho.

#025 A sad sad day for good hair everywhere...

The first day I started using this product I got laid three times in the same weekend. I don't care that it costs fourty bones, I'd rather not eat than not have it.

My dilemma now it's been discontinued, is whether my hunger strike/sit in at the Kerestase head office will actually be effective or not...

#024 A lotta love

I love dust for Love your bike. Love yer work. *hugs*

#023 Wee Gem

(See what I did there)

Op shop/Vintage bookstore 50c finds freakin blow my mind. Was cleaning my desk today for my move over the tassy and re-found this wee beauty! A dusty 1967 catalogue of gem shapes I scored for FIFTY CENTS. I know right...

#022 Colour Palette

I remember when I first discovered painting at high school, and our art room had fifty thousand kilometres of oil paint everywhere free game. I slapped that shit on so thick with a palette knife, standing back and launching in again all gestural and tortured artist like, it was amazing. I felt so aliiiiive. Sometimes it took weeks to dry and I'd spend hours getting it off me but was toootally worth it.

Three years later when I casually walked into an art store post high school to purchase said oil paints, I realised I could continue painting in oils...or eat for the next three months. I was fucking devastated. I think I walked out all dejected about my tortured artist life plan being destroyed and chain smoked for an hour.

Hey Francoise Nielly. Thanks for reminding me about that pal. Thanks a whoooole bunch.

#021 Crystal meth

I enjoy Kylie McKenzie. She's fun. I also enjoy Kylie McKenzie's new crystal print singlet for Jimmy D.

It reminds me of the good ol crystal pagan hippy days where my dreaded self smoked copious amounts of weed while wasting away at an arts degree, and the time I woke up from an afternoon slumber and realised all I had to do the whole day was find someone to buy my 'crystal collection' so I could get a 40 ounce for the weekend...

#020 M.I.A's issues with le ginge

Jesus, hands up who else thinks French director Romain Gavras (of Justice's 'Stress' clip fame) has a few issues.

24 hours and banned from Youtube already, M.I.A's new clip for 'Born free' is Ginger Genocide on steroids, with no doubt the tongues of the masses wagging about the 'symbolism' of rounding redheads in a paddy wagon and nailing the fuck out of them will dominate over dinner tables for a while. (revenge on British imperialism/American racists...)

Am I the only who think's the 'gritty cinematic indulgence' of nine minute shock tactic video's are getting a little bit yawn-fest?

(Is it wrong that I may or may not have found the naked fat junkies having junkie sex more offensive than the redhead innihilation?)

God I love Romain Gavras.

#019 Hi Bois

Fuck me. I spend a whole weekend in Sydney trying to find a lush black pair of soft hightops before I head back to Wellies, then find them at Ruban's Good as gold by to be...in Wellies.
Handmade oversized lush soft leather foot hugging goodness in NZ dollars anyone?

FUCK YEAH.

#018 clients from hell

Freelace clients often blow my mind with their retardation. One from today:

Client: We need some labels similar to the ones our friends are doing in the picture. They need to be 10mm (w) x 5mm (h)
Me: You mean cm?
Client: oh yeah!
Me: are you sure that's the right way round? The ones in the picture are portrait
Client: what do you mean portrait?
Me: ah...like. 'up and down' instead of 'sideways' which we call...'landscape?'
Client: how come?
Me: *sigh* When you take a photograph and take a 'portrait' of someone you take it...up and down, when you take a photograph of some...hills for example, 'landscape', you usually go...lengthways.
Client: But I've taken photos of hills up and down before and they turned out GREAT!!!

Me: *slowly props himself up on ledge of 14th floor balcony*

#017 I love this cheese

I booze. A lot. And I fucking LOVE bread. So something has to give, and I constantly cower away from cheese and chocolate n shit to kinda...balance me out. My flatmate's girlfriend is German and loves cheese so much I basically go into the fridge blind to avoid the ridiculous plethora of cheese varieties trying to taint my ingredient needs on a daily basis.

So sometimes I sit back, gaze out the window and fantasise about crashing a Baby Bell management exec meeting with this video and going 'You wanna sell cheese? I mean really sell cheese? You use fucking Sarah Silverman to sell your cheese and you'll sell fucking cheese motherfucker' then like, do some real street savvy handsignal and...maybe like headspin on the boardroom table or some shit...

#016 Wutang Pizza

amazing.

# 015 Cloud Control

Well aren't you guys just lovely.

#014 Imagine

I may or may not have gone through a stage where I revisited making forts in the lounge, after I figured out my semi circle couch was totally gagging for it.

Unfortunately I was 28.

Tim MacPherson photographically taps into that world, revisiting memories from when we had the passion to create anything from nothing.

...and manages to avoid the awkward moment where his flatmates walk in on him in his sheet hut eating cheesy mousetraps on a picnic blanket.

#013 What the font

Gotta love it when something as tiring as finding typeface inspiration for a project can give you a 'giggle/I know what you're saying brother' as well as making the job easier.

Cue: Julian Hansen's So you need a typeface flow chart.

Oh c'mon, deep down we all love a good font gag...

#012 The human camera

Most people who know me have come face to face with my extraordinary ability to lose things. To save face I have this wee speech about having a photographic memory, and seeing as I never wear my glasses/contacts, I put shit down and the photo I take is so blurry, I don't remember where it was taken. I've told this story SO many times I almost believe it...

Enter the human Camera. *bursts through paper hoop to thunderous applause*

You may remember this out of control guy with autism from the email rounds a few years back, 35 minutes around Rome in a helicopter, then three days to completely reconstruct a panoramic view of what he saw in three days. TO THE LAST WINDOW.

Anyways, he's in Sydney next week in Circular quay drawing the city live.

Fuck I love how people with Autism are the closest things we have to superhero's...

#011 1am magazine - post no bills

Yet again, Glen Hunt (ex- Pavement magazine fame) is scraping coins from under couch cushions and avoiding 'private number' calls on his cell after yet again he has bankruptcy proceedings all up in his face.

The $31,238 printing debt, for the first issue of his new fashion mag endevour 1am, was due to the magazine struggling 'as a result of the recession, which made it harder to get advertising, and printers being hardline on late bills.'

Hey, I may be crazy, but maybe it's the lack of content, information, reputation for not paying bills and the overuse of half naked prepubescent 12 year old models that makes advertisers uneasy. Yes, we've been here before Glen. Remember the same complications we had with Pavement? *knuckle rubs* Who's a silly boy then.

#010 Street art by Hyuro

At a time where pasting and street art is on the verge of 'seen it all before-ville', stumbling across Hyuro, (Born in Argentina - working in Spain) is a whimsical 'line and silhouette game' breath of fresh air.

#009 Gaga - Dubstep remixxx

Yusss...finally a dirty dubstep gaga remix I can play around my straight friends without them groaning me outta the room...

#008 Catching thieves

Thieving's so eighties. Especially from touring artists in a world where Facebook and Twitter make hunting your thieving ass down a matter of hours.

"Does anyone know this guy (on the left)? He stole Talib Kweli's laptop and mobile... the guys at Espy St Kilda are trying to track him down....His profile here"

Within hours on Sunday, Talib's twitter account had published his name/workplace/Uni/landline number/address/facebook profile, a video + pic of him at the venue and the entire Melbourne Hip-Hop collective was on the prowl.

Hate to be you Amir bashir from Ali Baba's. Brother got owned. And blacklisted, from every notable venue in Melbourne + Sydney.

Shame.

#007 Gaggle o guido

Interview's Jersey Shore interview (+ Terry Richardson shoot), digging deep (and I use that term loosely) into the hopes, dreams and penis piercings of the Jersey shore boys reminds me why I watch so much reality tv. To feel better about myself.

"Everywhere I go there's just mass amounts of people. There's people showing up at airports, wanting autographs, girls, it'as insane. It's like the beatles man."

*slaps forehead*

Hands up who else clapped and snickered when 'The Situation' got owned and Sam hooked up with Ronnie...

#006 nom nom nom

Soooo while moving back to a Wellies winter has me close to self harming, the flipside of restocking on winter woolies is actually keeping the blades at bay...

...and this B:SCOTT wee gem from Brandon Scott, has me wiping tears from my cheeks that the gods have created 'Hungover horizontal position with duvet and schnitzel watching Reality TV' in a goddamned hoody.

#005 Bus destination poster

In light of leaving Sydney soon and returning to the motherland, my obsession with collecting 'memorable Sydney things' has reached an all time high. So, when I stumbled across a distressed Sydney bus destination blind on explore the kerb, a sneaky wee site that sells things found on the...well, the kerb, I almost died. Then I scrolled down and saw it had already been bought, by some thick black framed machiato drinking biscotti bastard from Mosman.

Somewhere a unicorn died and a little piece of my soul went with it.

A PLAGUE ON ALL YOUR WELL INTERIOR DECORATED HOUSES. *shakes fist*

#004 Wheel babe.

So, totally just remembered I pashed a hardcore babe in a wheelchair last night...

#003 Hi. My name's Oprah, and I'm a lying lesbian.

Oh Kitty Kelley, you're so naughty. Yet another unauthorised biography to make us feel like there's less of a gap between us and the rich and faboosh.

I love that typing 'Oprah and g' in google predicts 'Oprah and gayle, gayle lovers, gail and gail scandal' before 'Oprah and god' a clear fifth. Hahahaha omg PLEASE be a lying lesbian. If nothing, just give me the satisfaction of being able to shove my hand in the face of the washed out middle aged woman I know who justifies something being 'fact' cause she saw it on Oprah...

#002 Stop showing off SPLENDOUR

THE STROKES , MUMFORD AND SONS, THE TEMPER TRAP, BAND OF HORSES,PASSION PIT, FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE, LAURA MARLING,GRIZZLY BEAR, BAND OF SKULLS, SURFER BLOOD, ALBERTA CROSS, MIIKE SNOW, THE DRUMS, TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB, LCD SOUNDSYSTEM, BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE, MIDLAKE, FOALS, FRIGHTENED RABBIT, GOLDFRAPP, KATE NASH, JONSI (Sigur Ros), BLACK REBEL MOTORCYLE CLUB,SCISSOR SISTERS, THE TING TINGS, HOT CHIP, YEASAYER, ASH, BEN HARPER AND THE RELENTLESS 7, WE ARE SCIENTISTS, RICHARD ASHCROFT AND THE UNITED NATIONS OF SOUND, K-OS, DELPHIC, FAT FREDDY'S DROP, SCHOOL OF SEVEN BELLS,THE MAGIC NUMBERS, ANGUS AND JULIA STONE, EMPIRE OF THE SUN, WOLFMOTHER, THE VINES, TAME IMPALA, PAUL KELLY, OPERATOR PLEASE, LISA MITCHELL, MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS, LITTLE RED, SPACE INVADAS, BRITISH INDIA, OH MERCY, THE MIDDLE EAST, BLUEJUICE, WASHINGTON, WHITLEY, DAN SULTAN, CLOUD CONTROL, MIAMI HORROR, CLARE BOWDITCH, PHILADELPHIA GRAND JURY, JOHN STEEL SINGERS, VIOLENT SOHO, THE MESS HALL, JONATHAN BOULET, BOY AND BEAR, GYPSY AND THE CAT, LAST DINOSAURS, ERNEST ELLIS, TIM AND JEAN, BAG RAIDERS, VAN SHE TECH, ANNA LUNOE, KID KENOBI, YOLANDA...BE COOL, THE ONLY, PURPLE SNEAKERS DJS, MIAMI HORROR DJS, GRAZ and LEVINS. Plus more TBA

Shhhh....daddy's coming home.

*strokes forehead*

#001 Massive Attack - Splitting the Atom - Directed by Edouard Salier

Congratulations Edouard. Your 5 minutes of visual genius just saved someone on the other side of my office a marketing argument enduced blunt pen to the eye.

*exhales*